Friday, March 16, 2012

Reality Check: A Review of January's Resolutions

I totally forgot to write last week, and I don't feel bad about it. 

I had a busy week, time flew by, and before I knew what happened, it was this week. I'm pleased I didn't beat myself up over it. I'm happy I simply let it go. If this blog has been anything for me, it has been an exercise in letting things go.

I feel like each of the resolutions I've started working on are coming along in some sense. I'd like to check in with January's, examine them, and identify how the resolution is contributing to my overall sense of wellbeing. What is the point of a resolution if it doesn't contribute to that?

Resolution 1-2012: Nurturing Creativity
I'm finding creativity in interesting places, and it is giving new life to parts of my life that had seemed unrewarding and mundane previously. I have gotten particularly creative in my work. My every day life sees me giving massages to some number of people. In this work, it is easy to lose focus, and do the same thing for every client, especially someone looking to relax. I've been focused on being present during a massage: not talking as much, unless the client wants to, trying to really listen to the goals and focus of the client, and to be aware of what the body is telling me while I work. No massage is ever the same (I dread having a client who wants the same thing as last time, because I won't remember). I used to get board, and feel like the days would drag when I worked previously, but simply being present has allowed for a new level of creativity to come along and flourish. I really like what I am doing. The lesson I am taking away from this: sometimes, simply being willing to experience something opens us up to new depths of ourselves (this should probably be a duh moment, but I'm taking it to heart).

Resolution 2-2012: Stop Shoulding Myself
I forgot to write in my blog last week. I slept in when I needed to wake up at 5:30 in the morning to get all my stuff done this week before going to work. I really like wine. I mess up all the time. The reality is, I'm  messing up less now that I'm not beating myself up for the previous times I've messed up, or forcing myself to put too many things on my plate. No, I haven't given up all sense of responsibility. No, I'm not sleeping in late every morning. No, I'm not drinking a bottle of wine every day (hell, I'm not drinking a glass of wine every day). I've found that focusing my energy in the present, instead of worrying about yesterday and tomorrow, really helps me do what makes me feel best in the long run. My energy is freed up to make good decisions. I'm not perfect. I catch myself saying "I should do this", and I'm not always gentle with myself, but I'm working on it. Simply working on it is making a huge difference in how I treat myself, which feeds in to every other resolution I've made.

Also, I leave for Hawaii in less than a week. I'm so excited, I can barely keep myself focused.

Resolution 3-2-2012: $40,000 Year
How on earth does making money contribute to wellness? Fiscal wellness is important. If we don't bring in money in some sense, we are living off of what we have in our reserves, or struggling very hard to get by. I like having money in my savings account, and I really like not struggling. Having a specific number allows me to set specific goals. I like specificity.

All that aside, oh lord, this is the goal that gets me every time. Things are on the upswing still, but just a little slower of an upswing than I was hoping.  This was a slow week, and I've had to practice a lot of gentleness, and focus on abundance so I could let myself sleep. I'm afraid it isn't going to be a $40,000 year, but I'm keeping the number as my goal. A motivational speaker once said "If you shoot for the moon, you'll land among the stars" (which, very technically, isn't true, but it is a great image). I'm making my moon the $40,000 mark. The number might not be possible, but it is keeping me motivated, and is stopping me from simply throwing in the proverbial towel. I'm working on word of mouth exposure. I'm working on getting my hands on as many people as possible. I'm looking forward to starting school in fall. I'm hoping for a full schedule when I get back from vacation at the end of March. A full schedule is going to be necessary, because a week off means no income. Stressful, yes. Worth it? Definitely.

 I'm learning a lot about being frugal these days. I try not be cheap, because when I get cheap, I experience guilt for buying things like new running clothes, which are necessary for my hobby. I'm trying very hard to curb impulse buys (and frequently failing miserably), and save enough for taxes (and maybe a retirement fund some day). I'm not going to lie: I'm super frustrated with my financial situation right now, but I'm staying positive for the sake of this goal. I have everything I need. I am working on getting everything I want.

Next week, I may or may not write. I'm going to be in Hawaii.


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