Friday, March 30, 2012

Fear and Hope

A little fear is healthy, right?

Maybe it sounds silly, but after getting back from an amazing vacation, I immediately switched back in to my stressed out, fear mode. I'm not busy enough, I'm not eating right, I'm not going to ever see anything that beautiful and amazing again... I've already lived the best years of my life.

That's too much fear. The reality is I'm not busy enough. I'm getting there, but I'm not working as much as I would like to be working. I'm alright though.

As for eating right: I've been on vacation. Give me a break, okay brain? Okay. I'm back to my normal routine, I'll go get some greens today, and I'll stop eating so much chocolate.

Those fears are diminished, but the other fears are going to take a little more work. Traveling is expensive. The plane tickets alone for most travel experiences are crazy prices, and add in the cost of living... it's a tough pill to swallow. How am I ever going to afford doing something like this?

This feeds my fear of having lived the best years of my life. What if I'm not successful? I'm about to spend a lot of money on school, in a career field that has a ton of growth potential, but I'm really, honestly scared I won't be successful in it. I've never failed in a way that has been life-altering. Don't get me wrong, not everything I have tried has been a wild success (let's take a look at my current work situation. About half of it is going really well). What if my ultimate failure is the simple fact I'm never going to accomplish anything greater than I already have?

This is where resiliency and hope have a huge role in my life. Hope it self is a great motivator. Hope is what makes a person push forward in the face of some heavy fears. Hope is one of the key elements that differentiates between success and failure. I have hope. Someone has been standing over my shoulder (parents,  professors, partner) saying "I believe in you, and I believe what you are doing is worthwhile". That support is invaluable.

I think resiliency is born out of hope. The more hope one has, the more that person is able to think of set-backs as temporary, not as failures. I'm thinking about children, and how I want to raise my (very) future off-spring. The psychology buzz word of child-rearing is currently "resiliency". There are books about it, and there are parenting classes and information that can make the mind dizzy. I'm pretty certain there has to be hope to create resiliency though, and with out, even the most educated person can't raise a child who is resilient.

I'm going to put those fears aside for now. I've ruminated on them, and I have a few ideas for making certain they don't come true. Putting fear aside isn't an easy task. My own personal method is to create a series of steps to make certain the thing that makes me scared doesn't come true. This time around, research is going to be the key. If I know there is work in my career field, I'm a lot less fearful.

The other ingredient to putting aside fear: giving other people hope. I'm in a great place to do that now, particularly with the work I do. Taking a little pain away gives people a lot of hope, whether it is physical or psychological, and I'm capable (just ask my mama). Taking the time to step out of my own self-induced drama really gives me a little perspective on the things that really matter. Giving love and hope brings it all back around, doesn't it?

Let me know if you need some hope. I have some to share.


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