This month has been hectic.
I didn't have time to update at my usual time this morning, so I'm making the time this evening. While I missed writing this morning, this is exactly the sort of dilemma I like. I mentioned a few posts back that my work area of life was picking up, and this is the main reason why I am late writing today. I'm going to be gentle though, and forgive myself.
Last week was my love week. I managed a few very successful days, and then I hit a love wall. Suddenly, I was grumpy, achy, and "Darn it get the effe out of my blind spot you blanking son of a blank" (I promise it was significantly less clean). I did try in the midst of this though. I would say something horrible, and when I realized it, I would tack on to the end "I love you". I am not sure I ever really meant it, but this is why it was useful: saying "I love you" to the thing/person/element that was annoying me in the moment stopped me from continuing on with the cursing spree. If the power of repetition is as great as modern Psychology suggests it is, eventually I will believe the words.
Whether I believed myself when I told the annoyance "I love you" or not, the simple act of stopping the frustration can have profound effects. Instead of allowing my body to produce more stress hormones, which research links to higher risk of heart disease, stroke, and other awful methods of sudden death, my body relaxed. I stayed open to possibility, instead of closing my self off emotionally. I let the bad stuff go. The cool thing: it was a totally automatic response. I didn't have to think it through.
Earlier this week, some unfortunate soul in my city was killed as a result of road rage. I don't know all the details, but just think what the result could have been if someone had simply said "I love you, you are human, and we all make mistakes", instead of getting insanely pissed off. I believe the outcome would have been very different.
Not to beat a dead horse, but I'm going to continue to work on this love thing. I think it is leading somewhere, and that somewhere is going to be a very fine place to explore. The exploration I'm doing now is already pretty fine, so why would I expect anything different?
PS- I mentioned protecting my time for the people/activities/things that are most important to me. I'm struggling, but I'm taking small steps: controlling my hours at one work place, piggy-backing errands, etc. This is still a challenge, but I really do believe part of my own challenge with loving people right now is linked to my sense of limited time for myself. I'm looking forward to my vacation at the end of March, just so I can have a week to breath.