Last night, as I was falling asleep, I was thinking about how right things are going in all areas of my life. And that ugly little thought popped up: "I wonder when this is all going to fall apart". Instead of letting my brain wander down this trail that inevitably leads to everything falling apart, I made the decision to believe things are going to keep going right.
I'm normally a positive person. I have friends who call me when they need someone to find some sort of silver lining. In my own life, sometimes the silver lining is hard to find until after the fact, and the "when is it all going to come crashing down around me" mentality is not as rare as I would like it to be.
The last few months have been a hard transition period for me. I can roll with change, but my preference is to get back on my feet as quickly as possible. Going from having more than I needed (maybe not as much as I wanted), to worrying constantly about money was a shock. I was really lost in a thinking pattern of scarcity. I worried about draining my savings, draining my energy, draining the love and support of the people who were my safety net. I felt like a burden. I started resenting the people who were keeping me from totally sinking. And then there was the guilt. These are heavy things to carry around chronically.
A few weeks ago, I started seeing subtle shifts in my "luck". There are some who say luck doesn't exist, or it is entirely based on our own efforts. I say luck is a combination of preparation and opportunity (thank you, Randy Pausch, may you rest in peace). The work we put in to our lives is the driving force behind the opportunities we are dealt. I was offered a second space for massage in a high volume gym, my work load at my other practice started to pick up.
This week, the lid blew off. One practice had a record breaking number of clients, the other practice, which hasn't even opened yet, had more pre-sales than any one expected. I was asked to do a presentation for a grief group. I have people interested in coaching. My engagement ring arrived. Oh, and it was 40 degrees and sunny on February one. The kicker: it is only Thursday. It is an understatement to say things are going well.
I think I have found the silver lining to the harshness of the transition: I was forced into making some amazing opportunities come about. I couldn't sit around and do nothing. I had to go find people, make connections in my new community, and really commit to the path I took. I volunteered, I handed out cards, I talked to strangers. I emailed and I emailed and I called and I emailed until someone responded. It is one thing to know you are the best at what you do, but convincing other people to believe it is a whole different beast. In the midst of all my negativity, there was a kernel of belief that I was on the right track. If I hadn't believed it, I would have given up and found a job slinging coffee for minimum wage.
I can't claim victory yet. The thing with a business is you have to keep people coming in and coming back. I need to keep making opportunities, but instead of waiting for the other shoe to drop, I've decided I'm going to enjoy the efforts I'm making.
My goal is to abandon the attitude of scarcity and the fear it generates. I'm going to practice a mind-set of abundance and gratefulness. I see now it was that little kernel of belief that everything was going to work out that drew this initial success into existence. Imagine what a whole attitude will bring about!