tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-46873522548048100112024-03-14T03:04:39.257-07:00Diana vs. The Ultra-marathonAKA The dumbest thing I've ever done twice AKA Serious Running for a Non-Serious RunnerAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02542623593822873145noreply@blogger.comBlogger46125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4687352254804810011.post-16215046333458596342015-04-18T10:21:00.001-07:002015-04-18T10:21:41.667-07:0018 weeks to go...<b><i>No, I haven't fallen off the planet. I've been running, and visiting friends, and trying to survive the last little bit of this semester, and interviewing for jobs, and and and...</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
It's been hectic. Even so, I've managed to get in 35.6 miles this week, which brings my yearly total up to 418.1 miles. The icing on the cake: two of my runs this week were trail runs (YES!!!!!!) and I've been hitting my under 10 minute mile averages when I'm running on the roads. Running (for now, because what a fickle bitch it can be) is going well for me.<br />
<br />
I have 18 weeks left until this race. My life is presently in a state of happy upheaval. I have no idea if I will find the time to train enough, but I'm loving my running (OMG Trail!!!!), and I feel like maybe it is loving me back a little.<br />
<br />
As I was out on my run today, I had two realizations that I thought to share. First, one of my friends mentioned recently that running had given her more courage than she had ever had, and also more willingness to express her fire and passion (not her words, but I was a witness to that transformation). I started to reflect on my own experience with running after this. I have always been active. I was a fairly successful (and talented) equestrian in my teenage years and early 20's. I love the sport, I love the animals, I loved feeling competent.<br />
<br />
For whatever reason, this never translated into the rest of my life. I didn't see myself as particularly smart, pretty, interesting etc. I dated guys who I knew liked me more than I would ever like them (for the most part). This sport that I loved and had so much confidence surrounding gave me very little in terms of confidence outside of the barn (maybe it was because I knew I always smelled vaguely horsey, which if you are an equestrian, is the best thing ever. If you aren't... it's fairly off putting).<br />
<br />
When I started running distances, I found that running pushed me not only physically, but mentally. I started viewing myself as more capable in all aspects of life. At some point I realized how smart, pretty, interesting, and generally likable I am. I gave myself the space to be worth my own while in places other than the barn.<br />
<br />
In a lot of ways, running has come to replace the horses. It isn't quite the same, but it really is something that if I dig into and commit time and energy, I will improve. I like seeing the improvement. Running has also taught me that I really can do more than I ever thought possible. It's pretty freaking sweet.<br />
<br />
The second realization was far less profound: if you run with a back pack, people think you are a serious runner. I'm still not a serious runner. I'm just a happy woman, with some serious running to accomplish this year.<br />
<br />
Get outside, go do something that you think you can't, and just watch how much you can grow.<br />
<br />
PS- I start my internship at the Department of Community Health May 18. Wish me luck. It's my first real job in 3 years.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02542623593822873145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4687352254804810011.post-38256866783747831492015-03-29T12:56:00.001-07:002015-03-29T12:56:13.151-07:00How do busy people do this?<b><i>I ran 6.3 miles last week! I'm awesome!</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
Seriously. How do busy people train for long races? Last week I had to travel to a city about an hour away twice. Leaving at 6:30 am each morning really cut into my run time. As a result. I did like zero miles almost.<br />
<br />
So what did I do? I did some HIIT training and some other cardio based work outs, I did some push ups, some yoga...<br />
<br />
Two things: this weather bouncing around between getting warmer and getting cold, it needs to stop. Second, I've got to start hitting higher miles.<br />
<br />
But seriously. Busy people out there: how do you make time?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02542623593822873145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4687352254804810011.post-81409519259267811722015-03-23T17:19:00.001-07:002015-03-23T17:19:29.100-07:00Keeping it (Mentally) Healthy<b><i>Last week I logged just over 37 miles, which was a great feeling.</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
I have a funny thing that happens: when I forget to be gentle or patient with myself, I see deer. Lots of deer. Deer when I drive, deer when I run, deer when I look out my backdoor. I haven't seen a lot of deer lately. One might argue that winter makes them more scarce, and the spring weather is encouraging them to emerge, but I feel like its an instantaneous form of feedback. If you look up deer as a spirit animal guide, you find they represent love, compassion, and gentleness, particularly toward the self. Tonight, as I sat here beating myself up about things beyond my control, the deer I had not seen in my backyard in ages just wandered through; it was an instant reminder that I deserve as much compassion as everyone else in my life.<br />
<br />
Compassion and gentleness through this training process is the hardest part of the training. I used to be able to beat myself up, mentally and physically, in order to achieve my training goals. I can't do this any more.<br />
<br />
Non-specific type eating disorders and exercise disorders are tricky and easy to disguise. I've told countless people over the years that my training requires a strict diet, a strict training program, a strict mindset. Half the time I wasn't training for anything, but if I told people I was, they wouldn't worry about my compulsive behaviors of tracking food and exercising to exhaustion. I've worked hard to stop these behaviors. So how do I know if I'm crossing the line back into to disordered habits and patterns?<br />
<br />
I've learned a few things about my body: it often tells me what it needs if I shut my mind up and listen to it. My mind likes to should me: "You should run ten miles today because you ate rubens this weekend and someone asked if you were pregnant today (I'm not)" "You should eat only 1600 kcal a day" "You should lose weight to get faster"<br />
My mind is actually a pretty boring place when I think about training. I know I'm approaching the line between healthy and disorder when I start listening too carefully to what my mind says. My mind thinks the only reason I run is to lose weight.<br />
<br />
My body tells me so much more though. Like I ran 37 plus miles last week, and my body is a little tired this week, so maybe taking a few days to rest and do some restorative yoga might be a nice gift.<br />
My body tells me how much I need to eat; it will gently prod me to notice I'm hungry. My body knows so much more about itself than my insistent mind. My body knows I run because I like the strength and the clarity that come with engaging in the sport.<br />
<br />
Tonight, my deer reminded me that listening to my body and not my mind is what helps me keep this training healthy, and forgiveness, gentleness, and compassion for myself are the necessary tools for being ready to run this 50 miler in 5 months.<br />
<br />
I am not perfect, but I am still worthy. I am not going to win this race, but I will finish it.<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02542623593822873145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4687352254804810011.post-72791967811061318502015-03-16T18:05:00.001-07:002015-03-16T18:05:18.046-07:00300 MilesYou know that accomplishment that you should celebrate, but you're just too overwhelmed to do anything about it?<br />
<br />
Yeah.<br />
<br />
That.<br />
<br />
I hit 300 miles for the year on Sunday. I think I hit that mark halfway through a nine and a half mile run.<br />
<br />
This sense of missed accomplishment is a theme in my life right now. Like I'm hitting marks, but they are buried among other things, so I don't notice them until long after I've hit them.<br />
<br />
There is a point in celebrating those marks though. I'm feeling blah about it this week, but I know once I settle back into my normal routine, I will shout my 300 miles from the mountain top.<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02542623593822873145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4687352254804810011.post-86375525891909873982015-03-08T09:12:00.002-07:002015-03-08T09:12:24.254-07:00Outside... Finally!!!!<i><b>Friends: I'm way behind where I hoped I would be at this point. I'm at 259.35 miles for the year. Which if you think about it, we are only 8 days into March. That isn't too shabby.</b></i><br />
<br />
Thing that make me crazy: My husband's dryer doesn't actually dry stuff. Which makes life a little difficult when you need your outdoor running jacket, and it is still damp, and now smells slightly funky because it was left damp overnight. I don't mind my own funk smell, but I hate damp laundry funk.<br />
<i><b> </b></i><br />
<i><b> </b></i>But you know... running jacket! Because we are finally getting some weather that will not cause me to die if I run outside in it!<br />
<br />
So... while I'm waiting for my laundry to finish drying (and hopefully stop stinking), things to contemplate today:<br />
I'm grateful for this shift in weather, and the time outside it brings<br />
I'm grateful to be sharing this long run day with my husband<br />
I'm grateful to see the sun shining<br />
I'm grateful everyone has their puppy dogs out of the house and runningAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02542623593822873145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4687352254804810011.post-21823949004321062272015-03-05T03:02:00.001-08:002015-03-05T03:02:21.461-08:00March: No more passes<b>I'm logging my training miles, I promise. I just haven't bothered to count them up for the last week. I'm at like... 19 miles for the week or something. It's not great, but hey. I'm doing something.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Yesterday, I mentioned that since it is no longer February, I no longer get a pass at (insert what ever I was referring to here. Running, research, joy...), and the general consensus was that the weather still was crap, and what difference does it make that it isn't February.<br />
<br />
It's MARCH. Simply put, even if it is only (barely) 5 degrees Fahrenheit this morning, it's NOT February. I even ran outside on Sunday because it was above single digits. I only made a few miles because I was still really effing cold, but I ran outside.<br />
<br />
Even if the ice floe I've been stuck in hasn't started to break up and start moving yet, I'm feeling like the ice is starting to make those tell tale groans that indicate a breakthrough.<br />
<br />
I was seriously considering giving this race up a week ago. I couldn't see myself ever making it through. Maybe I still will. This is one of the nose-to-the-grindstone-est years of my program, and I'm supposed to start looking for a job, and I'm staring down the possibility of a relocation. At least I feel like maybe it's a possibility again, and the endless Michigan super cold winter will come to an end at last. With the end of February, and the possibility of spring, my optimism seems to have return as well.<br />
<br />
Lovelies, I hope today brings as much success as it has promise (I'm proposing my thesis today, so wish me luck). It's March. No More Passes. Go out there and do something that scares the shit out of you.<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02542623593822873145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4687352254804810011.post-9344697038510948552015-02-22T06:26:00.000-08:002015-02-22T06:26:48.185-08:00Staying Safe<b><i>Weekly milage: 30.2</i></b><br />
<b><i>Yearly total: 212.45 miles</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
It's been friggin cold in Michigan the last few weeks, and it will continue in this vein until at least next weekend. Yay! Running outside has been nearly impossible. Yesterday it warmed into the teens by mid-morning, so my husband and I took advantage of this.<br />
<br />
There are two things on my mind while I write this. First, cold weather running requires a lot of thought, layers, and willingness to accept you just can't be outside for long periods of time, especially if you are a sweater like me. Not a jumper type of sweater, but like sweat dripping off my face in spite of it being 15 degrees Fahrenheit. Long runs outside really are dependent on a little bit of cooperation from the weather gods (and this true in every season, I suppose). Staying safe in the cold requires one to plan an outfit that allows for the addition or removal of layers, wind speeds or chill, and the willingness to accept the days where the treadmill might be the better bet for staying healthy and uninjured.<br />
<br />
The second thing on my mind is a very different type of safety. Yesterday, as my husband and I were running on the bike path close to my apartment, some kids thought it would be funny/clever/smart to pull an Airsoft gun on us from a railroad trestle and shout "Give me all your money!" These kids had removed the orange tip that helps indicate the gun is an Airsoft; it looked like a scary gun. Was I in any real danger? Probably not. Even if I had been alone, and this pack of 12 year olds decided to try to beat me up, I probably could have fended them off. As soon as I realized the age of the kids, and the fact the gun wasn't actually capable of hurting me beyond superficially, I immediately became frightened not for myself, but for these young men. What if they had done this to an off-duty police officer, or someone who carries while they run just because? What if, what I view as, a REALLY STUPID prank turned into a REALLY HORRIBLE situation? What if one or more of those young kids ended up on the 10 pm news as the most recent victim of gun violence gone awry?<br />
<br />
Runners on the whole tend to be kind, nonviolent sorts. The reaction of the running community to violence that occurs in or around it seems to trend to surprised and saddeness that someone would attack runners, because what on earth would a runner do to deserve that?<br />
<br />
This is how I reacted: I screamed and froze (stupid, right?). One of the young men said "Lady, this is just a joke, it's not serious!" I think he was scared of getting in trouble. I realized all of these young men were either Black or Hispanic, and I realized right then and there that there was a good chance if they pulled this again, the result would not simply be a slightly freaked out 30 something year old runner. My husband looked pissed. I almost waved it off and started to run again, but I stopped, turned back and spoke to the kids. I don't know if anyone has talked to them about the state of violence in this country, but I begged them to not do this again, and to please stay safe. I told them to never pull this stunt on the wrong person (whatever that means). And please please please stay safe. I don't know if they heard me. I don't know if they made fun of me after the fact, but at least I said something that might make them stop and think about consequences of action in the future.<br />
<br />
Which brings me to where I am now: worried about the violence these young men could elicit by pulling a really stupid prank, and worried that I haven't been concerned about the possibility of violence to my own person while running. I'm not a stupid runner. I avoid the places I know I'm supposed to avoid after dark, and I wear bright colors if I'm running somewhere hunting is allowed. I've never felt unsafe when I run. Is this naivety? Is this a stupid one off thing that I never need to think about again? Should I get a giant dog for a running partner (actually, I think this is a good idea any way... but there are several reasons for this)?<br />
<br />
Two things I wish I had done: demanded the kids go home and tell their mothers how much they love them, and demanded each one of them hug me. That's the runner in me, I think. Hug it out. It will be okay.<br />
<br />
In this cold weather, promise me two things: you will dress in layers if you go for a run, and forgive yourself for not being able to be outside as long as you would like to be. As for violence, what can we do? Do our best to be kind, and hope that our kindness will always win out. A weak suit of armor, but something I still feel like I can stand behind. And maybe get a big dog that needs a lot of exercise.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02542623593822873145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4687352254804810011.post-60299085399647337862015-02-13T05:51:00.000-08:002015-02-13T05:51:08.847-08:00Oh Hello February...<b>Milage Update: I've logged over 150 miles this year so far. I took two easier weeks, and came back this week like I was shot out of a grenade launcher... sort of.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Which leads me to the title: February. I hate February. I don't even care if we have had more sun than normal this year, there is something about the way time moves in February that makes it nearly impossible to tolerate. Time is moving really fast on one hand. Some how it is already February 13, but it seems like we are stuck in this cold winter, where the days are still too short (they are getting longer, but the sun doesn't come up until at least 7:45 in the morning). February makes me feel like I'm living the movie <i>Groundhog Day</i>.<br />
<br />
Staying motivated this month has been a challenge. I've had to be really forgiving, allowing myself to have a different schedule if necessary. For example: my sweet husband drove in last night for the weekend, and he is relying on me for gym access this weekend. He didn't want to get up early to go (which I don't blame him for, he got in late last night). Instead of being rigid, I made him promise to go with me in the afternoon. People! This is progress!<br />
<br />
That being said, I'm feeling fairly on track with this training thing. I did an 11 mile run/walk on Sunday, and I ran most of it. I even griped a little (like a serious runner) about how my<br />
miles were too fast. I needed to slow down!<br />
<br />
Running is going well. My eating habits on the other hand... need some work. I'm using February as an excuse to eat all the chocolate. Every last bit of it. My adviser stuck his head in my office yesterday and asked if he was the only bad one who ate cookies. I said "No. If there is sugar I will find it". I've been eating my greens, yes, and eating lots of lean protein, but there has been a lot of chocolate and wine to go along with them. Running a lot has been my excuse, but I'm sensing some weight creeping back on, and that isn't what I need as I'm increasing miles. I need to maintain this weight.<br />
<br />
I don't believe in denying, but I may need to do a sugar fast. Just a week off of it will loosen the grip that it has had on me. My husband was talking about doing a high lean protein and veg, low everything else short term diet. Maybe it isn't a bad idea for a week or so. Just to get back into the really healthy groove I had been in.<br />
<br />
But I really love chocolate and it is February. Maybe I will start with limiting my chocolate to only between 6:30 pm and 7:30 pm.<br />
<br />
Also, I've decided that my Zumba class I take on Thursday nights for fun totally counts for three miles (I don't count them in my milage total, but I mentally add them to my total exertion for the week).Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02542623593822873145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4687352254804810011.post-4467764310006376812015-01-24T13:24:00.000-08:002015-01-24T13:24:07.784-08:00Weekly Milage Update and You Live and You Learn<b>I ran 31.8 miles this week, which brings my yearly total to 100.7 miles. Not too shabby.</b><br />
<br />
One of the kickers about running gear is it is often fancy. Like you should fully explore your new water system before taking it out on a winter day for a run, otherwise you won't find the pocket where the water reservoir is supposed to sit. If you miss that, the reservoir will leak all over the pocket you've placed it in, and even though you won't get wet, your back pack will be soaked on the inside.<br />
<b> </b><br />
<b>At least that is what my husband learned today :)</b>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02542623593822873145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4687352254804810011.post-37628413040538420532015-01-17T08:18:00.001-08:002015-01-17T08:18:25.009-08:00Self-care<b>Total miles for the year: 68.9</b><br />
<br />
The requisite post about self care, otherwise known as <img alt="Actually, rest days are important for recovery, but that doesn't stop me from thinking this way sometimes." height="398" src="https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/53/c1/27/53c1279a16512b0cb4ad7affa4d8d0db.jpg" width="400" /><br />
(Thank you Pinterest)<br />
<br />
So now we are all inspired by Arnold and his commitment to being big, here are some thoughts on self care.<br />
<br />
Rest days ARE important. This is one of my biggest struggles with running. I love physical activities of all sorts. Most of my hobbies are some sort of physical activity, and when I have to be on a training schedule, making time for the things I love doing and acknowledging that<br />
my body needs rest gets a bit tricky. Yesterday I convinced myself that my favorite yoga work out totally counted as a rest day. I had forgotten about the very very very very challenging core sequence called "Abs with a rolled up mat". My abdominal muscles are very sore and inflamed today, thank you very much.<br />
<br />
Part of my self care is acknowledging that there will still be a million different forms of physical activity that I can participate in after this fifty miler, so when I open an email and see "Best New Strength Moves for Sexy Beach Arms!!!" I don't immediately run to the gym to try out the newest (not new at all, typically) moves to develop my arms. I have also gotten better at realizing that I can focus more on upper body stuff on my non-running days to give my legs a well-deserved break.<br />
<br />
I have committed to getting massage regularly. This is probably easier for me than most people, as I was a massage therapist in a former life, and have friends with whom I can trade, but I still pay for a massage once a month. I highly recommend massage, especially if you feel your ilio-tibial bands tightening down, which usually manifests as knee pain commonly known as runner's knee. In my experience, myofascial release techniques can help prevent some common running injuries, like runner's knee.<br />
<br />
You can do some of your own self care massage using a foam roller. Foam rollers can be found at most gyms now, and at most major chain stores. Here is a good looking guide to foam rolling from Active.com: http://www.active.com/running/articles/10-self-myofascial-release-exercises-for-runners<br />
<br />
Being a former massage therapist, I have a few techniques up my sleeve that I can use on my, including massage cupping.<br />
<img height="223" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-TJp2hlHjL5E/VLR7_ZjjptI/AAAAAAAAGEQ/WyF9JsRI-00/w1026-h577-no/20150112_205857.jpg" width="400" /><br />
(This is my ilio-tibial band with massage cups on it. There are magnets with opposite polarities inside of them. There were also more cups on my glutes, but I figured I didn't really want my butt on the internet)<br />
<br />
This is what I use when my fascia is really locked down, and foam rolling isn't hacking it. If you do find a massage therapist, I recommend finding someone who has training in massage cupping; it is far more tolerable than skin rolling for releasing superficial fascia.<br />
<br />
Keeping myself functional is key right now. Massage, stretching, foam rolling, and rest days are just as important as the time I spend running.<br />
<br />
But cross country skiing is finally a possibility...Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02542623593822873145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4687352254804810011.post-18268106754197762372015-01-10T11:34:00.001-08:002015-01-10T11:34:18.091-08:00Update on total miles for 2015I've decided I'm going to keep track of the number of miles I run this year. I'm going to post a weekly update giving you that total so far.<br />
<br />
Here it is<br />
I've run 40.6 miles so far in 2015.<br />
<br />
Keep it coming!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02542623593822873145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4687352254804810011.post-42314116389908402862015-01-10T08:18:00.000-08:002015-01-10T08:18:35.063-08:00Food food food food food<b><i>Running makes me even hungrier than normal</i></b>.<br />
<br />
I'm a hungry person to start, so when I run regularly I have to eat a lot. The trick to eating as much as I do is to pay attention. I don't strictly count calories for two reasons: 1. I hate counting calories; the act makes me totally twitchily irritated. 2. I was diagnosed with a non-specific type eating disorder a few years ago. Part of the recovery is not counting calories, not weighing yourself, and talking a lot about how much you have cut back on exercise. Real fun stuff. I can tell you that the last thing you want to do after working hard at recovery is to go back to counting calories. Every once in a while, when I notice my weight slipping to a range that means new pants are imminent unless I lose a few pounds, I will count calories for a week. That is all I have patience to attempt, and it sufficiently resets my concept of how much I need to eat. I typically don't have to do much more.<br />
<br />
This paying attention thing, how does it work? I have to confess, my style of paying attention is fairly simple: eat when I am hungry (which is all the time), and I shoot for an 80/20 split over the course of the day.<br />
<br />
What do I mean by 80/20 split? I mean 80% of the time the food I'm eating is providing essential nutrients and is made of things that are pretty healthy. I eat a lot of vegetables. I drink green juice (which is getting easier every day, if you haven't noticed. Even V-8 Juice brand is making a green version with no tomatoes for those of us with heart burn). I focus on whole grains, lots of colors, lean protein sources. 20% of the time, I'm eating something that maybe isn't so healthy. I love chocolate. I love wine. I love any type of food that comes in dip form. <br />
<br />
Here are the most important things to remember about food in my world:<br />
Normal eating isn't being perfect every day. Normal eating means some days you eat more, some days less. Some days you eat all the servings of vegetables you are supposed to, some days you eat donuts. Normal eating is less about striving for perfect food days every day (and we can talk about the pain and stress of trying to have perfect food days, if you like), and more about eating things that make you feel good with out guilt. <br />
<br />
Fuel is essential for a good run. I NEVER have a good run when I realize I am really hungry before I start. A little hungry? Fine. I can make it. Hungry hungry never makes for a good start. I putter out after a few miles. This totally seems like a duh moment, but I swear I used to always run on an empty stomach. It was part of my eating disorder, and I've finally realized that it just doesn't work.<br />
<br />
My renegade nutritionist who helped me through the first part of my recovery gave me the gift of knowing that perfect isn't what I need to achieve; she also gave me the gift of telling me she eats Poptarts. When you are as caught up in being perfect as I was, hearing a nutritionist say she eats Poptarts is a revelation.<br />
<br />
Oh, there is one more piece: working at maintaining a grateful heart. When you are grateful for the food in front of you, it becomes less about trying to be perfect, and more about appreciating the moment. I'm not very good at this. I'm inclined to be critical of myself. It is a practice though, and I'm trying to make this practice a part of my training.<br />
<br />
Stay warm out there (unless you are somewhere warm, then stay cool). Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02542623593822873145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4687352254804810011.post-59497615580285354552015-01-02T07:15:00.000-08:002015-01-02T07:15:03.265-08:00Treadmill Blues<i><b>I ran/walked 8 miles on a treadmill yesterday.</b></i><br />
<br />
I hate treadmills. In order to stay on a treadmill for more than five minutes without completely losing my mind, one of three things must happen: I must either have a really good book playing on my headphones, or I must turn off my human brain and go into robot mode, or I have to mess with my speed every few minutes.<br />
<br />
Yesterday I was all settled in with my book, listening happily to Amy Poehler's <i>Yes, Please!</i>, running along while my husband watched the disaster that was the first three quarters of Michigan State University's Cotton Bowl Game (which some how, the last quarter stopped being a disaster for MSU, and they won. We did not watch that part, of course. I firmly believe if we had been watching, they would have continued to suck, because my presence at a television exerts that much influence) from his treadmill. <br />
<i><b> </b></i><br />
<i><b>And then my headphones stopped working</b></i>.<br />
<br />
In order for me to stay put, this means one of two things must have happened in order for me to run 5 more miles on a treadmill. Robot mode was achieved for about 3 more miles, and then I messed with my speed for the last 2 miles. It was... fun?<br />
<br />
I so prefer trail running. Treadmills are good for me because they force me to run at a consistent speed. I know exactly how long I've been on that treadmill though. The advantage to treadmills right now is that is friggin' cold outside, and I'm a little more of a cold sissy than I am a hardcore trail runner.<br />
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At any rate, I'm looking forward to getting home to Michigan, where I know of trails on which I can run and get some good training time outside. Which leads me to the second point of my post. My husband is my main support structure in this race. My husband lives in Madison, Wisconsin. My husband and I don't live together.<br />
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GAH!<br />
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More so than anything right now, I'm feeling a mix of sad and happy because I'm leaving in two days to head back to Michigan. I'm going to plan a bunch of trail runs for myself to help me keep my chin up, because this, dear readers, is too hard. <br />
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If any one in the Lansing area wants to trail run with me, let me know. They won't be terribly long, but they will be fun! I've heard we've had like zero snow.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02542623593822873145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4687352254804810011.post-70288532004677620302014-12-31T07:13:00.000-08:002014-12-31T07:13:07.120-08:00Recommendations from an Intermediate Runner<i>My husband and I were sitting on the couch this morning, talking about running.</i><br />
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This is nothing new; we talk about running a lot. Mostly we talk about how much running we should be doing and how much running we haven't been doing. Our conversations about running have become a bit routine.<br />
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Except this morning. Our conversation reminded me why I'm writing this blog. My husband was cruising Reddit, and I was looking at the <i>Trail Runner Magazine</i> updates I get. When Peter clicked on the Reddit Running subheading, it became very clear to us that there are really only two types of people who talk about running: the serious runners I mentioned previously (http://livingthejuicylife.blogspot.com/2014/12/serious-running-for-non-serious-runner.html) who talk about miles per week and nutrition and plans to win their next races. The other type of person seems to be the beginner runner; someone seeking encouragement, advice, or simply looking for an answer to the question "Why does this suck so much?"<br />
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Occasionally you will see someone who is not a beginning runner ask advice about a new challenge they are undertaking, such as what type of hydration system might be best for an ultramarathon. The problem with asking this question is the people who answer are the serious runners, who insist that if you don't carry the expensive hydration system they use, you will never finish your race. <br />
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Sometimes I want to walk in to the middle of these conversations and scream "NEWS FLASH! Not everyone can afford to spend half a paycheck on a water belt!" <br />
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Here is the reality of being a non-serious runner: you work with what you have or can afford.<br />
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I don't have a fancy watch with GPS capabilities and a built in heart rate monitoring system. I track my runs with my phone most of the time, and when I'm racing, I have a non-fancy watch that allows me to track my splits, which I never successfully remember to use. I think my husband purchased it at Meijer before my first 50 miler so I would have an idea of how long I had been out in the woods. Also, I've realized I don't really like having things around my wrists or my neck, so a watch is typically right out. If you want a fancy watch, I can't tell you what to wear. I have no idea. <br />
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I run with the same water belt I've been running with for the past 3 years, and while it isn't perfect, it gets the job done. If you would like me to recommend my belt: I'm running in a Nathan hydration belt, that has a pocket for keys and a small phone or ID or cash or whatever. I'm starting to run more with a military issue Camelback 1.5 liter hydration backpack, because I need to be able to carry more water on longer runs. Neither of these set ups are perfect. Both were given to me as gifts. If you don't carry one of these set ups, you will probably finish your race if you wear what is comfortable for you, hydrate on your own terms, and train.<br />
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I run on the trails I have easy access to. This means I don't always have the ideal terrain for a specific race. Ideally, you would be able to run terrain like your race frequently, with similar footing and elevation changes. When my husband wins the lottery, I will totally roam from place to place to find ideal training locations for different races, but that is because I'm a wanderer at heart, not because I insist it is necessary for training.<br />
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I train in old race shirts. Yes, those technical shirts you get from paying $120 to enter a race. Race days I plan to wear running clothes that are a little nicer than my normal running attire. Here is the secret to the majority of my nicer running clothes: I buy them off season and super on sale. Good running clothes are expensive, and I'm sorry, but for an ultramarthon, Old Navy Active Gear really isn't going to hack it. That being said, my favorite sports bra for distance running is probably so old that it doesn't really support my boobs, but my nipples don't chafe in it. Which is HUGE. I think I bought the bra at Target a million and two years ago. My favorite running clothing is made by Stoic. I love their tights, I love their shirts, I love love love Stoic brand. Main reasons: Their shirts and pants actually cover my belly. My long waist makes a lot of running gear too short for my torso. Stoic seems to believe that one should be able to be comfortable when active, and the brand also has a liberal policy as to use of thumb loops on their long sleeve shirts. There is quite simply NOTHING better than thumb loops on long sleeve shirts (Hey Stoic. I'm plugging you to my five readers, how about some free socks over here?).<br />
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As for nutrition, I like green smoothies; I think they taste good, and they add a shot of nutrition from raw greens. I also like to eat protein, which includes animal proteins. I think healthy fats are important, and I'm fond of fruit. I also love chocolate, wine, and ice cream. My training schedule isn't what dictates my diet. I go for variety always, with an attempt to make vegetables the base of most meals. The only thing that does change my diet: the current severity of my Gastro-esophageal Reflux Disorder. Right now, it is pretty bad, so I'm going to avoid caffeine, tomatoes, spicy food, chocolate, and alcohol. This is possibly one of the most depressing aspects of my life. I hate not eating spicy food.<br />
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I'm not going to win any races. I have placed in the top three of my age/sex group three times in my life. All three times the races were 1) tiny and 2) not terribly competitive. Once I placed simply because there were only three people in my age and sex group. I love these races by the way. There is nothing like getting a trophy, even if it is for third out of three.<br />
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Yes, being a non-serious runner means there is a lot of compromise. I can't justify the expense of top of the line gear. There are a few things I refuse to compromise on though.<br />
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Shoes: get your stride analyzed, get fit for a shoe, wear orthotics. No matter what, have a shoe that supports your foot in the most beneficial way possible. I decided to try to train into a zero-drop minimalist shoe this year, and it threw my body so out of whack that I ended up with a hamstring injury that made no friggin sense at all, until my physical therapist looked at my stride and said "Wow you are pronating a lot. Maybe you should go back to your stability shoe". Minimalist running shoes are all the rage, and if you can wear a minimal shoe with a neutral support, go for it. I am going to stick with my stability shoes for now.<br />
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Socks: I've been throwing out socks like mad crazy this year. Any sock that presents the slightest wear is pitched. I have to be able to run, and if a sock is rubbing my foot in way that creates a blister or a sore, it has to go. I've also realized that technical socks are important. A little extra support for my feet never hurts, and having material that keeps my feet comfortable is essential.<br />
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Form is extremely important too. Form is a combination of things. I can't say there is a perfect form for everyone, but there are a few things a runner should always consider. Use your core, use your butt, and don't slouch. I've never seen a really good runner run slouched and scrunched up. Shoulders back and down, core engaged. A lot of running stores offer form classes, and they are often free. <br />
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There you have it: recommendations from a non-serious runner. Do what is comfortable, eat what makes you feel good, and run.<br />
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(Oh, and just so you know, I've put in over ten miles this week already, so I think I can say the time off hiking really wasn't as detrimental as I thought it would be)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02542623593822873145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4687352254804810011.post-5318963821151209512014-12-19T03:49:00.000-08:002014-12-19T03:49:25.235-08:00Does Hiking Count?I've been on vacation for the last... 6 days? I'm writing this from a lovely porch on Nevis at about 7 am. <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We are staying at the Yellow Cabin in Gingerland, which is the Atlantic side of Nevis. This is one of the least populated places I have ever stayed. Our closest neighbors are goats, donkeys, and monkeys. http://www.theyellowcabinnevis.com/</td></tr>
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Don't be jealous. I haven't run a step since arriving (in spite of
packing with best intentions), and my body is totally telling on me. I hope I fit into the pants I need to wear home because it is about 50 degrees colder in Wisconsin. <br />
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Nevis is probably not a place I would consider a non-serious runner's paradise; it's amazingly beautiful and friendly, but every where is either directly up hill or straight down. This is typical when you have a dormant volcano as the base for your life. The roads on my side of the island are narrow (about a car and a quarter at most two way points, maybe two lanes if you are driving through a populated area). Side walks are rare too. Add driving on the left and tourists, and I've pretty much decided the roads are not a great idea for me to run on.<br />
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What Nevis may be considered is a hiker's paradise. There is every possible terrain to hike, and some of the hikes are very challenging and technical. My husband and I have been hiking around sugar plantation ruins, beaches (and yes, I consider that hiking), rainforests on the side of Mt. Nevis. We've started off on one hike only to be sucked into another trail that winds alluringly toward the peak.<br />
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Between gaining a few vacation pounds and not running, I feel totally derailed in my training. I'm supposed to be working on this goal of a comfortable five miles at a time for December, and here I am, eating like I'm on vacation, and not running.<br />
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This begs the question: does hiking count? I hope it does. We will find out when I get home and go out for a run on Monday morning. I'm struggling though. I have a voice in my head that is reminding me constantly that I need to be training, and a brain that can justify another day of not running; I happen to have a husband who is good at this as well. He just informed me that we will be hiking today, and he wants me to have fresh legs for hiking instead of having legs I've run on. He's running this race too. I was hoping he would be more "Let's get a short run in before we hike for 3 hours!" because that seems like training in my head.<br />
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Maybe he is right though. Maybe running and then hiking would be too much. Maybe I should not worry, enjoy this vacation, and then come back swinging over the holiday season.<br />
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Maybe I should focus on my January goal: seven comfortable miles. I could actually run five miles fairly comfortably before we left, so I really shouldn't be that far off.<br />
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At any rate, I'm off to enjoy the last few days on this lovely island with my sweet, stubborn husband. <br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02542623593822873145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4687352254804810011.post-16634697201124050442014-12-09T08:08:00.001-08:002014-12-09T08:08:14.867-08:00Serious Running for a Non- Serious Runner: Training Schedule<div>
<b><i>I am not a serious runner.</i></b></div>
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I'm calling this Serious Running for a Non-Serious Runner because I'm not serious. I'm rarely serious about anything. If I tell you I'm serious about something, chances are I'm trying to convince you of a tall tale. Don't believe me (also, I usually collapse into giggles with in about 3 seconds of attempting to fabricate something, so I probably won't even get to the "I'm serious" part of it).</div>
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There are two types of runners in this world. There are the talented, fast, serious runners who win races, talk about miles per week, and look fabulous in swimming suits. These are the runners who look like they were born to run. </div>
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Then there are the non-serious runners. The people who started running one day and just... kept doing it, but really with no plan, no goal (other than to drop a few pounds), and look like total goofballs when they run. This is me. </div>
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I'm deadly afraid of serious runners. If I mention to a serious runner that I run, they start in on conversations that I don't follow. Fortunately most of them have never attempted an ultramaraton. Most have stopped at the marathon distance, and mentioning training for an ultra typically shuts them up, or they ask something vaguely judgey like "Have you ever run a <i>marathon </i>before?" with a snideish look on their face. I'm scared they will figure me out though. A non-serious runner running an ultramarathon is like... sacrilege or something.</div>
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Here is the problem with training for really long distance races: you have to take this seriously. Running a 5k? Sure I can jump out of bed tomorrow and finish it, trained or not. Worst case scenario: I walk for an hour. Running 50 miles: worst case scenario: I can't even imagine. The last time I did this, after the race I suggested to my husband that I might need to go to the Emergency Room, because for the life of me, I could not stand up from the parking lot in downtown Manistee that I was laying in. I would like to avoid this problem after my next race (I was okay, by the way. Thanks for asking).</div>
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This necessitates a serious training schedule. </div>
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For non-serious runners like me, a training schedule can be painful. Here is a typical morning for me: </div>
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Me: Good morning self! Time to get up and run!</div>
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Self: Gaaarrrrrrgh (My self takes a few minutes to gain coherency first thing in the morning)</div>
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Me: But it is time to run!</div>
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Self: Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!</div>
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Me: Fine, if we don't run, what do you want to do?</div>
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Self: Weight lift, Pilates, HIIT, anything other than slogging around campus in the dark. I hate campus. </div>
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Me: What if we go trail run?</div>
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Self: Do you know how far you have to drive to get a trail run in?</div>
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Me: Fine. Fine fine fine. Let's just get out of bed and figure it out when we are brushing our teeth.</div>
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Self: Fine. By the way, you are gaining weight (My self likes to throw pot shots in at me)</div>
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With a training schedule, my self will have to shut up in the morning. There are no more "I don't want to run this morning" conversations, no more "It's too hot/ cold/ windy/ rainy/ sunny/ apocalyptic outside to run" moments.</div>
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My husband and I (since we are actually in the same room on a Sunday morning) just mapped out our training schedule for the North Country Run. There are 257 days until the race. The 16 week plan we mapped out starts in May. It can be found here: <a href="https://tribesports.com/guides/beyond-the-ultimate-16-week-ultra-marathon-trainin?s=1">https://tribesports.com/guides/beyond-the-ultimate-16-week-ultra-marathon-trainin?s=1</a></div>
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We have 4.5 months to get ourselves in shape to start the training schedule. This demands we take a careful look at where we are now in terms of running fitness, the types of distance we need to achieve weekly prior to this training schedule, and a careful look at our nutition.</div>
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I'm starting to sound like a serious runner. Or at least trying to make a convincing argument of being a serious runner. You guys. I'm so serious right now!!!!</div>
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(And this is where I bust out with the giggles)</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02542623593822873145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4687352254804810011.post-74434205249752283402014-12-06T10:00:00.003-08:002014-12-06T10:00:47.438-08:00Ultra Marathon, Take 2Two plus years ago, which was about the last time I posted something on this blog, I completed an Ultramarathon. For the last two years, I have labeled it the "Stupidest Thing I Have Ever Done". I was undertrained, a little injured from trying to train by running other races, and I finished out of sheer will and uncertainty of how I would get back if I dropped out of the race at mile 43 (at my pace, 7 more miles was about 2 hours). I aked multiple friends that if I ever had the inkling that I should sign up for a 50 mile race to please shoot me on sight. Or at least remind me it was a bad idea.<br />
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A friend of mine finished the half-marathon at the same race site this year, and her posts made me think about signing up for the half-marathon next year (you have to jump on this early, as the half-marathon sells out very quickly). I was perusing the race website when I found out that the medals for the race finishers in 2015 were actually going to differ in size. Past years, I had always marveled at the idea that a half-marathoner got the same medal as the marathoner as the ultramarathoner. My brain screamed "Do the ultra! You can do the Ultra! You have a year to train! Do it!"<br />
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I texted my husband immediately, as he was one of the persons on the "Shoot on Sight" list. I asked my sweet husband if he wanted to do the ultramarathon next August, and he replied with "If you want to, I'm game"(I do not have to mention that this reply does definitely not count as "Shoot on Sight" sort of behavior, so the next time I have a bad idea, I'm not going to ask him to stop me).<br />
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Long story short, I squashed the voice of reason and signed us up for an ultramarathon;it is in 258 days. On the day I signed up, it was 363 days away. Funny how quickly 100 days go.<br />
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Have I mentioned I haven't been running much in the last year? Yeah. I am working on that, I suppose.<br />
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Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Diana vs. the Ultra aka The Stupidest Thing I've Ever Done Twice aka Serious Running for a Non-Serious Runner.<br />
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Ready to to run with me?<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02542623593822873145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4687352254804810011.post-8705418307592318232013-02-22T06:26:00.002-08:002013-02-22T06:26:42.972-08:00The Joy ProjectI know, I haven't posted in a really long time, and if any one reads this, I will be flattered.<br />
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This has been a hard winter (and it is still winter, so it is still hard). Finding a way to be joyful has been a challenge, and I've needed a little (read a lot) of help. My friend Ebba suggested I try writing down everything that is a blessing (or a joy) in my life and put it in a mason jar, to be read next New Year's Eve. I loved the idea, but lacked the mason jar.<br />
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For the wedding, I painted a tree and thought to have it be my guest book by having people hang tags off the "branches" to create leaves. In the chaos of preparation, I couldn't find it or forgot about it or something, so my tree went unused.<br />
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One day, contemplating what to do with this tree and all of the "leaves" I had made, I realized it was a perfect fit for my joy project. So I started recording my little joys on the cards I had cut out, and started growing the leaves of my tree with the moments that have brought me joy this winter.<br />
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Is it a perfect solution? No. Like I said, this has been a hard winter. Is it something I love to look at when I'm feeling a little down? Absolutely. I love this project for so many reasons, including it is something entirely crafted by me (and my husband who helped cut out the tags for it).<br />
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So Ebba, thank you for the idea. Peter, thank you for helping make the tags. Life, thank you for having moments of joy to record.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02542623593822873145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4687352254804810011.post-74034155658910139412012-10-22T15:51:00.000-07:002012-10-22T15:51:23.612-07:00Pictures I wanted to Add to PinterstSorry about using this as a place to post some pictures. If you read this, and if you hate me for it, I'm sorry.<br />
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If you like the pictures, thank you. These are a few things I did for my wedding in September. Posting them online is more fun than reading about Body Mass Index as a risk factor for cardiovascular disease and death.<br />
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My life lately: Stressful. I wish I had more willpower for writing about it, but graduate school is occupying most of my brain space. I love grad school, and it is the hardest thing I have undertaken to date. This includes the 50 mile run in August, and the 4 day back packing trip with my husband.<br />
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I promise someday, I'll come back regularly and write about the juicy life.<br />
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Love,<br />
DianaAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02542623593822873145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4687352254804810011.post-70512424083886620342012-08-28T04:33:00.000-07:002012-08-28T04:33:59.338-07:00Life on PurposeI've been stuck on my purpose lately.<br />
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About eight months ago, one of my coaching friends suggested my purpose was to love. I was struggling with an idea of community, helping, health, and wellness, and she boiled it down to the word love. Love is a nice purpose. Love is the sort of purpose one can lean on, put weight into. Having a purpose of love is unselfish. Love is something we are supposed to give unconditionally. Love is a grand purpose. Even last week, I was looking at love as my purpose. I was questioning love as the real bottom line of my purpose, but I was willing to continue walking with it,<br />
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Yesterday, I was talking to a close friend about purpose. I asked her what she thought her purpose might be. Most people don't know immediately, so when she answered in that vein, I started asking her about what she was engaged in when she felt like life was just plain easy. Her answer threw me for a loop. I was digging for a "grand" answer, something like love. Her answer: taking care of herself.<br />
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My initial reaction was surprise. I was caught up in thinking that purpose had to be selfless; something that ended up serving humanity on a"grand" scale. My purpose, after all, was to love! As we talked more, I kept trying to find ways to frame her answers in a way that would help develop a "grand" statement, but I failed and failed and finally came to the conclusion I must be in the wrong.<br />
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I had a psychology professor who once said "Feelings are." What my professor meant was you feel what you feel, and there is no wrong way to feel about something; the statement went along with idea of not shoulding on one's self. I realized purpose must be very similar. There is no ideal purpose for every person, and there is no reason for my expectations for a definition of purpose limit someone else in her search for purpose.<br />
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After this conversation, I spent the rest of my day at orientation for my master's program. I loved it. I enjoyed meeting my new peers, my new mentors, my new program. I loved being in an environment where people were talking about research, ideas, and their passion for exploration. I was excited, I was stimulated, I was engaged in ways I never expected to be. Life was clicking along. I met another friend for tea after orientation, and told the girl behind the counter I was "sparkling... " and then added a bit sarcastically "like a vampire" when I realized how over-the-top happy I sounded. <br />
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I don't remember the last time I felt like I was living my purpose. Trying to love all my clients: impossible. Trying to love everyone I pass on the street: exhausting. Living in a learning environment: easy.<br />
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I knew this love thing wasn't working, but it sounded good; too good, in fact. I'm going to try out a new purpose for a while: to learn. I started to try to expand it to include something about the good of humanity, but it started to take on that hollow tone again. Keep purpose simple was the primary point in my coach training. While it may not sound as selfless and giving as "to love", I think "to learn" fits me a little more closely.<br />
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I'd rather focus on loving the people I want to love any way. <br />
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I think my friend whose purpose is to take care of herself is on to something. The whole point of purpose work is to get to the heart of how we want to live. I believe in doing my part for the good of humanity, but it is much easier to do that when I'm living my true purpose, and not trying to live up to some "grand" ideal I've set for myself.<br />
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Yours, in learning,<br />
Diana<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02542623593822873145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4687352254804810011.post-31651409748045490332012-08-24T04:26:00.000-07:002012-08-24T04:26:34.188-07:00Get BigI rode horses (and if you would care to argue the point, I rode the best horses) for years. We had a phrase: Get Big. A horse getting big was a thrill, but you had to get just as big as the horse, otherwise, you'd end up somewhere in the dirt. Getting Big wasn't so dangerous as it was focused.<br />
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Here is what you need to know: when a horse Gets Big, you have to make the decision to Get Big back, or back the horse down. If you back the horse down, the ride sort of falls apart. Nothing technical may go wrong, but it won't be anything special. If you decide to Get Big too, you are in for the ride of a life time. <br />
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Tomorrow starts a stretch of time I have put a lot of stock into for most of this year. In the next 30 days, I will start (and hopefully finish) an ultra marathon, I will start my MS in Epidemiology, I will turn 30, and I will get married. My therapists likes to joke about me adding a few things, just for the heck of it. I think Life just Got Big.<br />
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It's time to Get Big back. To accomplish this, I have to stay focused, but I also have to let the ride unfold on it's own. In the keenest sense of the words: I get to sit back and enjoy the ride, while staying present to direct it. I can be scared to death and have the time of my life in the same moment.<br />
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The crazy thing about Getting Big: you can never truly be prepared for it, because it happens in it's own time. The first question a lot of people ask when they find out I'm running a 50 mile race is "How do you prepare for that?" Have I trained? Yes. Have I trained hard? Yes. Do I feel prepared? Not in the least. The same goes for my masters, for marriage, and for all of the other things life could possibly throw at me.<br />
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Tomorrow morning at 7:40, the starting gun will go off, and I will have to push aside all the fear and doubt I have about running 50 miles, and just go. While most of the runners there will be simply starting a race, I'm going to be starting the ride of a life time. I'd better Get Big, or get left behind in the dirt somewhere.<br />
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Love,<br />
Diana<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02542623593822873145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4687352254804810011.post-45250293111130322162012-08-20T06:54:00.000-07:002012-08-20T17:02:49.989-07:00Surrendering and Purpose<i><b>Sorry to be absent for a long time. I was on vacation, and I guess I needed a break from writing.</b></i><br />
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This morning, when writing for what I am grateful on my chalkboard, I made a mistake. With chalk, of course, you can erase mistakes easily, but I hesitated before grabbing the eraser. Sometimes mistakes are a great way to learn something about ourselves if we take a moment with them.<br />
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I started writing "I am grateful for Good Conversations..." but Good came out God. Essentially, I caught myself writing I am grateful for God. I don't like the concept God. I haven't liked it since I was ten, and 19 years of not liking an idea makes it difficult to appreciate. That doesn't mean I don't believe in a higher power. I just don't like the limited view a lot of western religion takes on God.<br />
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In the past few years, I found myself looking for a little more spiritual grounding. I really like the Dali Lama as a spiritual leader; his big thing is kindness, and I have been saying for years one doesn't need the threat of damnation to be kind. My take on life: you get out of it what you put into it. You put kindness and love in to the world, and people are going to respond in kind. <br />
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I've been reading a great deal lately, mostly because this is my last shot to read only what I want to read for a while. I've been drawn to writers like Deepak Chopra and Caroline Myss. I have had more interesting revelations in the last two months than most people have in a lifetime. I keep getting stuck on one point: Surrender to the path God has laid out for you.<br />
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I'm a pretty staunch believer in free will. A "Damn it I am in control of my life and if you don't believe me I will starve myself for a day to prove it" sort of staunch believer. This idea that some great big man in the sky has something laid out for me like an outfit for the first day of school: it annoys me. I know there is value in it, because people wouldn't write extensively about it if there wasn't, but I can't accept it on those terms.<br />
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In life coaching, we learn about something called "purpose". Purpose is the one thing that directs everything in your life. If you are living in your purpose, life feels like it is clicking along, you are successful, you are happy, you are able to live the way you feel you need to live. If you are living in ways that contradict your purpose, you feel alone, stressed, exhausted, and generally ill at ease. Don't ask me why, but I love the idea of purpose. Purpose is something I can get behind 100%, and if you ask me, I will tell you my purpose is to love (I'm not totally sure this is the right word, it might be respect).<br />
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<b>How is this different from surrendering to God's will?</b> I can't say it is. In fact, I'm pretty sure it is the same thing. Isn't living my purpose going to put me on some sort of path I might not have total control over? I'm going to make an experiment, and see if I can't insert the word purpose for God now and then. If I can more easily accept what I'm being presented with, I will know in my life, purpose and God are one and the same. Maybe purpose is given to us by God, but I'm still a little uncomfortable with that relationship.<br />
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It also could be the word surrender. It is possible I haven't totally disassociated the word from the idea of giving up. This step is going to be a challenge for me no matter how I dissect it, so I might as well stop trying to think it through and start trying to live it. I'm going to surrender to my purpose.<br />
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Which, if to love really is my purpose, is a pretty appealing thing to do.<br />
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Love,<br />
Diana <br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02542623593822873145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4687352254804810011.post-20145349242004409682012-07-26T04:34:00.000-07:002012-07-26T04:34:32.757-07:00Mourning Sexy (A Follow Up to Power)I've been doing a head stand every morning for the last week.<br />
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Now that I've got that off my chest, I want to continue the idea of power from the last entry I wrote. I mentioned images, history, and ideas to which I give my power. I'm diligently working with these images and ideas, finding ways to strip away the power I've given to them. This process is hit or miss right now. I caught a tag line of a research article that mentioned women felt sexiest at 28 years old, and I realized how unsexy I feel now I'm almost 30. I have mentioned this to a few people, who always reply with "but you are so pretty", which I don't really care for. What I really need is a day at the spa. Once a month. And some clothes that make me feel like a girl, instead of a massage therapist. And to be 28 again.<br />
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So here I am, having taken power away from the composite image of me at 28, and given it all to the age of 28. When I was 28, I had monthly skin care, haircuts, and money in the bank. When I was 28, I wore cute clothes to work, and people told me I looked amazing all the time. When I was 28, I lived on my own, covered my own bills, and discovered the joy of thighs that don't rub together all the time (short lived, and always longed for). Monday, I caught myself telling my amazing fiance how much I missed my old life. I think I was trying to make an argument for the importance of manicures, but still, it was a bit shit-headed of me.<br />
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I had this snarky thought last night: I wonder how many women choose to have babies around thirty because they need something to make themselves feel substantial again.<br />
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So the question becomes, why am I giving this loss of sexiness any power? Why do I keep returning to this period of my life where I distinctly didn't have it all together, but didn't care all that much? Why does this matter now? I don't know. I don't know, but I do know I need to stop mourning how I used to be, and start embracing the good stuff I have now.<br />
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One year, my friend's mom made her family write down 100 things for which they were grateful as a Thanksgiving ritual. I remember there being complaints, but I also remember a little notebook that slowly filled with everything from the funny to the poignant. This exercise ended up being brilliant. In a similar fashion, last week (when I was so jazzed about self-compassion), I wrote a list of what was really important, and my thighs that didn't rub together: not on that list. Skin care: not on that list. Okay, so maybe skin care should be... but I don't should myself, right?<br />
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So here is my plan for taking my power back from the 28 year old powerhouse I was:<br />
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1. When I get down about what I used to be, I'm going to give myself a hug, remind myself that it is hard losing someone we loved, there is still someone here who matters a lot, and that someone is probably still pretty awesome.<br />
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2. There is a chalk board hanging in the kitchen. I'm going to write something I'm grateful for every morning. Not only is the appeal of writing on the chalk board undeniable, it is a quick, easy thing to check off my to-do list, right after I do my head stand. This keeps me mindful of being grateful.<br />
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3. I am going to get a manicure in the near future. <br />
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Simple enough, and I already feel a little better about the situation. So maybe I will never feel the power of being sexy like I did when I was 28, but maybe that isn't the only thing about myself I can put stock in. Intelligence is at the top of that list right now, but I'm willing to take suggestions.<br />
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Love,<br />
Diana<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02542623593822873145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4687352254804810011.post-46616261243778304332012-07-16T04:52:00.000-07:002012-07-16T04:52:05.977-07:00Thinking about Power<b>I just started reading Caroline Myss' book <i>Anatomy of the Spirit</i></b>.<br />
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The forward alone started to make me think, but the guts of the book are really forcing me to examine how I've been feeding my energy. The piece that is really sticking with me today is the understanding that where we find our source of power is where our energy flows. If you want to take the new age approach, our life force flows that way, if you want to take a conventional look at energy: effort.<br />
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I haven't written in a while. I was feeling depressed, anxious, and all around exhausted. I would try to sit down and write something positive about life, but everything was coming out muddled and ridiculous. I was trying to make valid points, but I kept hitting a superficial layer, missing what I really wanted to get to. Two things happened last week that made a difference:<br />
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1. My psychologist recommended a book called <i>Self-Compassion</i> by Dr. Kristin Neff. Normally I would say I try to practice self-compassion, but for what ever reason was stuck in a place of self-contempt. I have not read the book, but there is a great deal of information on the website (self-compassion.org), including exercises for developing it, and videos that cover a lot of Dr. Neff's findings. Immediately I was reminded how much better I felt when I approached myself with a little bit of caring-concern, versus mental brutality (also, I am going to read the book, probably next).<br />
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2. I started reading <i>Anatomy of the Spirit</i>. I immediately realized if I am going to work through this depressive period, I need to figure out what external source is sapping my energy, stealing my focus, and draining my energy. Myss asserts often past experiences are a power symbol for us, or some sort of trigger, imbued with symbols we associate with power. I'm starting to see emotional ties to past experiences and images I hold of myself. I say things like "I want to be the person I was last year, she had it together".<br />
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For what ever reason, slowly over the last few months, I started devoting more of my energy and emotional space to the image I hold of myself from a year ago. Of course, I have taken one snapshot of my life last year, and attributed the things I consider to be my best qualities, and given all of those qualities to that one mental image of me. Essentially, I've been screaming "You were perfect last year!" at myself for the last three months, which is so far from the truth it is almost embarrassing.<br />
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I'm going to stop fooling myself now. I'm going to practice speaking nicely to myself (haven't I said this before?), having a little more compassion for myself and others, and I'm going to stop remembering how I was perfect last year, when I really was not. I'm going to focus my energy on the things that matter: building a home full of love, making the changes I want to see in me, and enjoying myself in the process. You can't force a butterfly to emerge from a cocoon, but watching the butterfly emerge at its own pace is a beautiful process. I'm going to give myself a power image of a butterfly. It sounds hokey, but I'm in a stage of transition, and I'm going to focus on the beauty that is currently unfolding.<br />
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Love,<br />
DianaAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02542623593822873145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4687352254804810011.post-59710668351136054742012-06-22T06:04:00.003-07:002012-06-22T06:04:43.742-07:00Listening to Myself<i><b>It is amazing how much we ignore ourselves.</b></i><br />
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I've been reading <i>The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success</i> by Deepak Chopra, and listening to ourselves is one of the things he brings up when reading a decision for being wrong or right (he also brings up being nonjudgmental... so I'm still muddling through how to determine a decision is wrong or right while maintaining a state of nonjudgment. If you know, please help me through this).<br />
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Our bodies manifest our decisions. My guts (the technical term) start to churn and hurt when I'm making a decision I know doesn't jive with me. I've had a vice grip wrapped around my chest for the last two months as I muddle through decisions about work and school. When I hit on the right decision for me, I can feel these tell- tale signs ease off, giving me a little space to breathe and relax. As soon as I tell myself the right decision can't happen, because of this factor or that person needing me, I feel everything tighten up again. <br />
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What happens when we ignore those signs? I can only live with an ill-fitting decision for so long. I start lashing out at the wrong people, I lose my ability to be patient with others, and I can't decipher between an overarching sense of malaise or if a situation calls for wariness. In other words, my intuition gets totally borked up. It makes perfect sense. When I don't listen to myself, I can't interpret my voice when I need it the most.<br />
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The funny thing about decisions is we often assign them a sort of permanence that isn't always real. Very rarely is a situation absolutely unchangeable, and as humans (specifically homo sapiens), changes fuel our creativity, our adaptability, and our chance at thriving. When I make a decision, why do I often assign it this permanence? I like to think it is my sense of responsibility. I've said I would do something, so I will see this through. Instead of freaking out that this decision is going to haunt me forever, I can acknowledge it, and then make moves to alter it or accept it.<br />
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So the real goal: start listening to my instinct. Stop giving my time and energy to things that exhaust me, and make me feel tense and used up. If I do accidentally allow this to happen, I will ask myself this quesiton: can I accept the consequences of my decision? If not, what can I do to change it?<br />
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I'm pretty certain we don't need to get overly stuck on a decision or two. Today I'm going to focus on appreciating the grace in my life. There is a lot of it, and I'm not going to let a few wrong turns make me lose sight of the bigger stuff. I don't like myself much when I do that. Instead, I'm going to remember when I clean out the junk in my life, I'm opening up space for something even better.<br />
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Love,<br />
DianaAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02542623593822873145noreply@blogger.com1