There is always a choice.
Elizabeth Gilbert wrote about it in Eat Pray Love: when crying and knowing something had to change, she made the choice to stand up and cry. A small choice, but it was a choice.
I'm writing about choices today because I'm reminding myself about them. I'm a little sad these days (sometimes a lot sad). Work is slow, and I'm feeling like my reserves are being taxed. This is a year with a lot of change, and as great as some of that change might ultimately be, it is still change.
I'm an advocate of feeling what you feel. I'm not one to say this feeling is legitimate, or that feeling is wrong. I believe a person feels what a person feels, and who am I to say one way or another about it? That being said, I'm also not one to let myself stay down too long, and I'm not a great person to come to when you want to whine endlessly about something. At some point, I'm going to ask what continuing to bitch is doing for you. My next piece of unsolicited advice for said whiner: count your blessings. I'm a little predictable.
I'm pretty good about being grateful for things, but when I start to lose my normally cheery outlook, I stop looking for silver linings and get a little introverted. This isn't my favorite thing about myself, but I'm not perfect, and I should not expect myself to be (just ask the carbohydrates in this house how perfect I am. Wait. You can't. I ate them in an attempt to soothe my grumpiness yesterday).
I'm going to make a quick list of the things that bugged me this week, and I'm going to turn them into positive statements. This is a fun process. Trust me. Try it next time you need a boost.
1. I'm not working enough
- This is a tough situation for me. I put a lot of stock in my ability to support myself, and I really hate not living up to my expectations. The turn around: my wrists have been sore this week, and it is a good thing they have had a break. I need time to rest, clean my house, and get involved in some of my neglected hobbies. I had time to walk the dogs today. I had time to work on a picture frame I've had for months. My house is pretty darn clean. This has been a really good week, though I might end up a little broke next month... Does it really matter? Also, I need to try to focus on finding opportunities to share my skills and abilities with populations I love. I'm going to present to a grief support group next week. How cool is that?
2. I miss the hell out of my friends and family
- Being in a new town sucks. I'm used to having a vibrant social network I see on a daily basis. The last time I felt lonely, I forced myself to start a new hobby (belly dance). I love Belly Dance. And I love that I'm going to class again on Sunday. Maybe I have more friends here than I think, and I just haven't seen them for a few weeks. I'm already feeling less lonely. This also motivates me to put together a spring gathering of people I love and want to see. Which means I have projects, and if I know me, I love a good project.
The short version: I have a lot to be grateful for, and I would do best by myself to remember it. Being juicy isn't about taking the easy way. Being juicy is about taking the way that gives you the most satisfaction. I'm way more satisfied when I'm grateful for what I have.
Now if you'll excuse me, I just realized there is chocolate bunny left in the house...